Missing You
by timelordsinconverse
Summary: What if Cosima dies?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Delphine sat in the airport, fidgeting with her bags. The clock in the corner sounded off each second with obnoxiously loud retorts of its hands, and the chatter around her was beginning to overwhelm her.

She craved the silence to think, but she also needed to scream.

Time was running out, as the clock so obviously pointed out. She'd received a text from Sarah at two o'clock in the morning, simple and to the point.

_She's asking for you._

Nothing else, but that was all Delphine needed. She'd been trying to get back to Cosima since the moment she stepped into that airport. Running through excuses. Eying the tail that Rachel had so obviously set up to make sure that she followed through.

She got up and walked over to one of the little kiosks waiting at the edge of the room and scanned the menu of overly expensive airport food.

Nothing on it sounded edible, and she turned away, ignoring the hopeful eyes of the pimpled man leaned up against the counter.

Overhead, the loudspeaker crackled for a second, and then a generic voice overhead declared that boarding had started.

Sarah was crouched next to Felix's old bed, which had turned into a sort of hospital bed with undertones of a death bed, holding Cosima's hand lightly. The transformation as her sickness progressed had set in quickly, stripping her of much-needed body fat, color, and strength. A live skeleton that had once been her twin struggled to breathe through a mask provided by Scott. The cannula had long since proven to be ineffective against the buildup of fluids in her lungs.

If only she had any small grain of the knowledge that Cosima possessed—she had been close to something when her ragged state turned comatose—she could have continued Cosima's work. Or at least understood it. Scott was still working, but he had to be careful. Rachel had it out for them, and they were all lying low out of necessity.

Sarah sighed. "Delphine's coming." She told Cosima—hadn't she heard somewhere that people in comas could still sometimes hear you? "She's hurrying, Rachel's men have made it hard for her to find a way, but we pulled some strings. Or, Mrs. S did. I'm mostly just useless these days." She barked out a low laugh and set Cosima's hand down carefully. She a life-sized doll, always needing to be put back just right. Tucked away in bed, covers up to guard against the shudders that had wracked her body up until the last two days. The stillness was even more worrying.

Felix had come up behind her and he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"You're doing as much as you can, Sarah. No one's blaming you for what you can't do."

Oh, but they were. Not outwardly, maybe not even consciously. But once Beth had died and Sarah had filled in her position in the clone club's inner circle, she had become a leader. And once Cosima became too weak to help her out, she became _the _leader. Allison stopped in with her worried titters and coughs, and Felix hovered to offer support. But Helena was gone and Cosima was dying, and all the weight had locked itself onto Sarah's shoulders.

She wouldn't voice that, though. Instead she smiled thinly at Felix and stood up.

"Yeah, 'course Fe." She shrugged off his hand and retreated to the couch, where Kira had passed out. The entire apartment was all changed around. Allison had brought in flowers that were now wilting in their vases, Kira's things were scattered around. The bedroom area was a mass of wires and tubes and beeping machines that cut through what would otherwise have been silence.

Kira shifted in her sleep and Sarah brushed back a lock of hair that had fallen in her face. She tried to figure out what she would say to Kira to tell her that Cosima hadn't made it.

She pretended like she didn't have to, that Cosima would jump out of bed the next morning and Helena would reappear, and there could be a happy reunion when Delphine flew in.

But the only person who could truly be swept away on a wave of innocent wishing was Kira, still slumbering in her lap.


	2. Chapter 2

**Second chapter is here! I might need to go back and do some editing, but I wanted to keep updating, so here it is. Thanks to those that have left reviews, and feel free to leave more. I love feedback almost as much as my emotional pain :D**

Chapter Two

The plane flew too slowly and the man next to her reeked of overused cologne and sweat. Delphine shifted her position to edge closer to the window so she could look out. There was nothing but an expanse of water. Nothing for her to focus on or to still her nervous hands that furiously worked on the edge of her sweater. At the rate that they moved, she'd have nothing more than a frayed edge of fabric by the end of the flight.

Things were going all wrong, she could feel it. Some instinct not yet fully understood or supported by science was telling her that Cosima was dying, and she was not going to make it. It was more than just worry. Because worry carried hope with it.

Delphine could not find any spark of hope within herself.

That was what scared her most, as she closed her eyes and reopened them instantly, shying away from the images that the darkness brought. Cosima was smart, and she would have continued working on the cure. Just as Delphine had pursued it on the side of her new work. She would not have given up.

So why did that not give Delphine even a small shimmer of relief?

Because everything was wrong and her world was beginning to crumble around her. The early shockwaves were hitting, and soon the earthquake would come.

Too soon.

She wasn't ready to lose Cosima. She would never be ready to lose her.

It wasn't dramatic like in the movies. There was no incessant beeping of the heart monitor as Cosima fought for her life.

The noises just faded away some time around when Felix popped out to get something for lunch—other than vodka. Alison was swaying in a corner, one hand pressed over her eyes in shock when he came back armored with subway bags.

"Right then, here're these. Remind me never to go back there. Although the guy at the counter was cute. I might have to go back at least—" He stopped in the middle of his comment and looked around at the frozen faces, then at the bed. "Oh. Oh, no. She's-?" His mouth worked around the word 'dead,' but he couldn't bring himself to actually say it.

"Dead." Sarah said hollowly. "She's dead."

Felix stood in the doorway, Subway bags drooping forgotten in his clenched fists. Alison let out a small noise that might have been a squeak. She looked up and zeroed in on the Subway bags.

"Oh, you brought food. Good, good. Here, I'll take these, and you know, Kira, honey, are you hungry?" She grabbed the bags. Walked over to Kira and crouched down next to her, one hand balancing on her shoulder lightly. Felix held out a hand towards Alison and met Sarah's eyes, asking a silent question. Sarah shrugged, then shook her head. He pulled back as Allison reached over and grabbed her purse from the coffee table, rummaged around, and pulled out a pack of Kleenexes.

"Look at you, you're a mess." She smiled and wiped away the snot clinging to Kira's upper lip. "Let's get you something to eat, come on. Leave the other adults to talk. Okay?"

Kira looked back at the bed where Cosima's still form was.

"I'm not hungry."

"You've got to eat something, Monkey." Sarah put in. She had thought letting Kira be there to say goodbye would be okay, but she was regretting the decision now.

Kira looked over with an unreadable expression. She looked so terribly grown up, and Sarah hated it. Finally she nodded, and Alison shooed her to the opposite side of the apartment, as far away from Felix's bed as possible.

"God, Sarah. Why didn't you tell me?" Felix asked in a hushed voice. Sarah folded her arms.

"There wasn't time, Fe. We weren't even sure she was going, but then—" She waved a hand in the direction of the bed. "It just happened really fast, and I—I didn't know what to do. We've seen this coming for what, months maybe. I just, I panicked." She could feel tears starting to well up, and she swiped a hand under each eye.

Felix sighed and shook his head.

"Look, forget it. It's fine, Sarah. Don't beat yourself up." He guided her over to the couch.

"What if that's one of us next? Me, Alison… what if it's Kira, Fe?" Now that her armor had cracked, a sudden rush of worries had found the opportunity to rush in.

"Hey. Everybody else is fine. Kira's fine. This is just one really, really shit thing that happened. But we can get through it, yeah?"

"And Delphine. Delphine's going to hate us."

"Sarah—"

"And we don't even know where Helena is. God, Fe. I can't keep doing this. I can't." Her tears were falling freely now. Felix sat next to her and pulled her into a hug.

"Hey. We'll figure it all out." He said quietly, his eyes fixed on the painting he had done of Cosima so long ago. It was leaned in the corner, and Cosima looked out at the world, oblivious to her death.


End file.
